so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
