Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
