hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
