accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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