and you said cock pushups were impossible
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
