my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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