I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He better not be in your backpack
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
