rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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