I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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