The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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