Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
