THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
