imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
