I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize