I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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