she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
