Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
