My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize