I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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