I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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