yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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