hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
