Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize