I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is it penis luge time yet?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
