Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize