my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
