i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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