There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
