1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
