If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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