You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
