glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
