if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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