3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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