we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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