If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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