just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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