Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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