i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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