you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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