Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
