yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
