honey bunches of taint.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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