I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
