Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
