kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
