they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
