Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
