He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
