This is not my ceiling
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
BRING THE BAGELS
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
