You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
