did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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