been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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