No more Irish car bombs ever.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
