well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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