I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
