have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
