YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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