There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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