She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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