So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize