I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize