Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
