Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
