I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She's the barista slut.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
