I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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