Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
